i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize