i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
