Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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