You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
