I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
