Kiss
Puke
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
