theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
