What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I touched a dick in church today
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
