I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize