Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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