she looked like the bat from fern gully.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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