Sober January is a disaster.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
