we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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