It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
