I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
