they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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