im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has the fingertips of a God
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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