Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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