Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
