Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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