I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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