What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
