well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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