People in love make me want to vomit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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