whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
