i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
