She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
