so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
