you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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