I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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