You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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