Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
