dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
