the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
