Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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