so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
