how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
