just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have feelings that need drinking.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
