But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
