yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
