Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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