Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
