my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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