Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
