Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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