Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
