You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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