we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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