can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
