Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
