When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
