Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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