Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
