I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
