I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
