she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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