I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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