this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
be right there i have to get my cape
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize