Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
