I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize