Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
