just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
