already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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