So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
