drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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