you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
