i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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