a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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