I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
