I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
