He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
