ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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