Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
