I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
