so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
