Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
