last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize