There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize