If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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