how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
