So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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