**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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