I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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