You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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