3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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