help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
