i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
