She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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