would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize