I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
