Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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