Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
