any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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