This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
