Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We got so high we made milksteak
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
