i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
