1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
