More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
