he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
