I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize