I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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