dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
