happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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