I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
