you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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