just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
