I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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