What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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