I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
